TOP TEN REASONS those two guys ran on the field at Comiskey Park to assault Royals first base coach Tom Gamboa:

10. Man, we were hammered.

9. Confused him with lazy, underachieving good-for-nothing Frank Thomas. Man, we were hammered.

8. Wanted to impress Linda Cohen.

7. Enraged after security guards confiscated our beers for having too much pine tar.

6. Wanted to free Royals from malign influence of Gamboa crime family.

5. Our revenue sharing checks were late.

4. Mark Corey sold us some bad weed.

3. Didn't they ever tell you that the South Side of Chicago is the baddest part of town?

2. The Curse of the Bambino. (As reported by Dan Shaughnessy)

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON . . .

1. We were nostalgic for Disco Demolition Night!