Baseball Crank
Covering the Front and Back Pages of the Newspaper
June 15, 2007
BASEBALL: Also Starring Jose Lima As Hemlock

Batting Cage Hero compares each of the Mets' starting pitchers to alcoholic beverages. Via MetsBlog.

Mike Pelfrey would be a wine that hasn't had time to age yet. Pedro, of course, would be a fine South American cabernet you had with dinner last week; you're really hoping that the last bit left in the bottle still has some taste. Aaron Heilman would be a non-alcoholic beer that really might taste better as a regular beer. Victor Zambrano would be whatever you were drinking when you lost your wife in a poker game; it really doesn't matter what it tastes like, you won't drink it again. And Steve Trachsel would be that cheap beer you drank in college - you had a lot of good nights with that beer, many of which ran very, very long into the night, but you got really sick of the taste after four years, and if you were having friends over now for an important party it would not be on the menu.

From a commenter at MetsBlog:

I guess Chan Ho would have been badly aged Sake?

I think Sake is Japanese, but, yeah, that's about right.

Posted by Baseball Crank at 12:23 PM | Baseball 2007 | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

Jose Lima is currently 9 - 3 in the Mexican League. :-)

Posted by: largebill at June 15, 2007 1:09 PM

Billy Wagner - Red Bull and Vodka - one will get you pumped, almost too pumped, and a second will send your heartbeat to dangerous levels.

Scott Showenweis - Milk on a Hot Day - always a bad idea

G. Mota - Fijian Kava Kava. You're pretty sure there's some illegal stuff in there, but hey, it tastes good and as long as it gets the job done, everybody's happy.

Posted by: KHPS at June 15, 2007 2:17 PM

Curt Schilling: First Growth Bordeaux: Clearly stately and has earned its place. Has gotten the job done over and over again. While some may find this to not necessarily be their cup of tea one still has to respect the lineage.

Josh Beckett: High end California Pinot Noir: Flashy and expensive. Has definitely gotten some publicity and has cache but there is no guarantee of longevity. People love it straight away but despite the accolades there definitely have been issues. Huge potential but a lot of wait and see. Still you expect the job to get done.

Daiske Matsuzka: Tokaji. Chose this as the strange, very expensive beverage that even people in the know don’t know a lot about. You know you should like it and you really want to like it and you DEFINITELY want it to be good but you really have no earthly idea is going to happen or what to expect.

Tim Wakefield: Budweiser: The constant. Been there forever, gets the job done. May not be your number one choice but has been there for you when you needed it most. Fills many roles and never complains. Sometimes you like it better than others but you are glad to know it is there as a last resort.

Julian Tavarez: Ouzo: The first time you try it you really are adverse to it. But it can grow on you. You always want it in somewhat small quantities but you can appreciate it more and more now that you have some experience with it. If something better comes along you’ll put it in the back of the cabinet but all in all things could be worse.

Hideki Okajima: The case of wine you bought at a friend’s charity auction: You were just getting this because you were there and it seemed like a good idea. You had no expectations but then you opened it up and Holy Crap it BLEW you away! You keep opening bottles up expecting it to not be so great and yet it continually blows your mind. You feel so lucky you’re giddy like a school girl.

Mike Timlin: The last bottle in an old case of wine you used to really like: You bought a case of wine awhile ago because you really liked it and, hey, it was kind of bargain. It served you well on many occasions but now there is just one bottle left and you really don’t know what kind of shape it in. You want to open it up and have it be great but there is certainly the thought in the back of your mind that it just might suck.

Brandon Donnelly: Inexpensive rum: This can hurt you and hurt you bad. Real bad. However, at the right time, in the right situation it sometimes gets the job done. When you break it out you know that you could end up with a wicked hangover but if you find the right mixer you could have a good time.

Jonathan Papelbon: XO Cognac: Luxurious. Always finishes. You feel comfortable and pampered when this one shows up. It is smooth and easy and in a way makes you feel smug about what other people have to finish with.

Come on MI, we want to see the Royals pitchers.

Posted by: jim at June 15, 2007 4:41 PM

Thought I'd apply this to some of the Yankee pitchers of my youth:

Lee Guetterman: Hamm's

Greg Cadaret: American

Dave Lapointe: Hamm's

Shawn Hillegas: American

Dave Eiland: Hamm's

Mike Witt: American

Steve Trout: Hamm's

Ed Whitson: American

Tim Leary: Hamm's

Steve Farr: American

And, the ever immortal Andy Hawkins, he of the no-hit 4-0 loss, thanks to Jim Leyritz's dropped fly ball in left: Hamm's

Posted by: Thom at June 16, 2007 6:45 AM

Something distantly related to this:

One thing that some people started noticing earlier this season was just how brutal John Sterling is when the Yanks are stinking up the joint, as was the case until recently. This is historically consistent. I lived in D.C. from '94-'00, and when I got back and heard Sterling and Kay for the first time, my reaction was, "Who are you, and what have you done with John Sterling?" Upside is that John Sterling was an infinitely better announcer when the Yankees sucked (and so was Kay, for that matter).

An actual John Sterling call heared circa 1991-2, and I have at least two people who can back me up on this; and it's my favorite call of his ever:

"So the Yankees take an 8-3 lead into the top of the ninth here at the stadium, and Shawn Hillegas in to try to close things out. And Michael, all throughout the stadium, you can sense the impending doom."

Funny as that is, I'm dead serious here: he really did make that call.

Posted by: Thom at June 16, 2007 7:09 AM
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