If you’re like me, you regularly read Lileks’ Bleats but don’t often remember to check up on his other writings, such as at the Backfence (unfortunately, the Star-Tribune requires registration). If so, you’re missing some great stuff. This one cracked me up:
Perhaps you’ve noticed that the Brawny towel guy has been retired, due to his anachronistic ’70s style mustache. The facial hair no longer said “alluring fantasy object to the bored housewife”; it said, “creepy guy in rusty van playing Foghat too loud, wagging his tongue.” There’s a new giant spokesman grinning at Mrs. American Pulp Purchaser, and the Brawny roll now says:
MASSIVELY IMPROVED.
I do believe this is the first time that any product has claimed to be MASSIVELY IMPROVED. It suggests improvements on such a scale that it’s difficult to quantify. I can only imagine the meeting that led to this boast: “Gentleman, Project Brawny has resulted in breakthroughs in absorption technology the likes of which we could not possibly have anticipated. In light of these developments, I propose that we scrap plans to announce that Brawny has a ‘great new look, same great soaker-upper strength’ in favor of stronger language that reflects the nature of our discovery.